You’re right. Remember years back when everyone suddenly became “anti-bully”? It was doomed to fail, and I called it out at the time, because “bully” is less an identity and more a thing almost everyone has done at some point (even if they don’t remember it.) People don’t tend to self-identify as “bullies.” Those who make a habit out of picking on others see it as acceptable, because it raises their social clout and/or makes them feel better about themselves. They’re going to ignore messaging directed at “bullies” because they don’t see themselves as being one. The entire idea of targeting “bullies” was a snipe hunt from the start. It’s an easy rallying cry to make but a complicated issue to solve.
The same goes here, with those who are abusive not thinking they are abusers. Whether it’s a kid putting down the “weirdo” to make their friends laugh, an entitled man guilt-tripping his girlfriend into having sex against her wishes, or a narcissist parent who humiliates their own kid then claims they’re trying to “help” them, the people doing these things don’t see themselves as “bad.” They all think what they’re doing is normal.
As long as protecting their egos is considered more important than everything else, they’ll continue to fail at the empathizing and self-reflection they need to improve themselves.
I like how you extrapolated on that. Someone can’t just call themselves a good person otherwise they’ll believe all their actions become the acts of a good person. Rather, people should strive to identify their values and work towards building a life that aligns with those values.
You’re right. Remember years back when everyone suddenly became “anti-bully”? It was doomed to fail, and I called it out at the time, because “bully” is less an identity and more a thing almost everyone has done at some point (even if they don’t remember it.) People don’t tend to self-identify as “bullies.” Those who make a habit out of picking on others see it as acceptable, because it raises their social clout and/or makes them feel better about themselves. They’re going to ignore messaging directed at “bullies” because they don’t see themselves as being one. The entire idea of targeting “bullies” was a snipe hunt from the start. It’s an easy rallying cry to make but a complicated issue to solve.
The same goes here, with those who are abusive not thinking they are abusers. Whether it’s a kid putting down the “weirdo” to make their friends laugh, an entitled man guilt-tripping his girlfriend into having sex against her wishes, or a narcissist parent who humiliates their own kid then claims they’re trying to “help” them, the people doing these things don’t see themselves as “bad.” They all think what they’re doing is normal.
As long as protecting their egos is considered more important than everything else, they’ll continue to fail at the empathizing and self-reflection they need to improve themselves.
I like how you extrapolated on that. Someone can’t just call themselves a good person otherwise they’ll believe all their actions become the acts of a good person. Rather, people should strive to identify their values and work towards building a life that aligns with those values.