i want to get back into dating and a boundary i want to establish, which ive struggled with in the past, is that i am nonmonogamous and im not going to change or compromise that for anyone. i told my last partner im nonmonogamous before we started, and they were accepting initially but after a while they started adding conditions that basically amounted to them approving my other partners and my partners partners and so on or they wouldnt have sex with me anymore. they pretty much forced me to choose between them and nonmonogamy, and that amoung other things eventually ended the relationship, but i unfortunately chose them for a while over my own feelings.
i know nonmonogamy is not widely accepted in society generally, but it really sucked getting that from another queer person who claimed to be accepting and to care about my feelings. im very opposed to the implicit ownership people assume over their romantic partners and dont want to participate in it at all. it might still be a struggle for me to establish that boundary, that this is who i am and i wont be with someone who cant accept it, but i really want to.
I’m in a relationship that for much of its duration was quasi-open. (COVID-19 put a bit of a crimp into the open parts, and SO and i have settled into something that is de facto monogamous, but not by inclination, more by practicality.) And yes, it’s really hard to get other people to accept that. The notion that people can love and have relationships outside of a state- or religion-sanctioned relationship baffles people.
Definitely establish that boundary. Make it clear and ideally find someone who shares your standards, not just “accepts” them. You need someone who bellyfeels what you feel.
i want to get back into dating and a boundary i want to establish, which ive struggled with in the past, is that i am nonmonogamous and im not going to change or compromise that for anyone. i told my last partner im nonmonogamous before we started, and they were accepting initially but after a while they started adding conditions that basically amounted to them approving my other partners and my partners partners and so on or they wouldnt have sex with me anymore. they pretty much forced me to choose between them and nonmonogamy, and that amoung other things eventually ended the relationship, but i unfortunately chose them for a while over my own feelings.
i know nonmonogamy is not widely accepted in society generally, but it really sucked getting that from another queer person who claimed to be accepting and to care about my feelings. im very opposed to the implicit ownership people assume over their romantic partners and dont want to participate in it at all. it might still be a struggle for me to establish that boundary, that this is who i am and i wont be with someone who cant accept it, but i really want to.
I’m in a relationship that for much of its duration was quasi-open. (COVID-19 put a bit of a crimp into the open parts, and SO and i have settled into something that is de facto monogamous, but not by inclination, more by practicality.) And yes, it’s really hard to get other people to accept that. The notion that people can love and have relationships outside of a state- or religion-sanctioned relationship baffles people.
Definitely establish that boundary. Make it clear and ideally find someone who shares your standards, not just “accepts” them. You need someone who bellyfeels what you feel.