I mean, if you’ve consented to a monogamous relationship and your partner violates that consent it’s a big deal.
If they find that certain aspects of the relationship aren’t compatible with what they want and they can’t work it out, they should leave the relationship. Notbl saying it’s easy, but that’s part of the responsibility that comes with being in a committed relationship.
or you could just… not force yourselves to be exclusive. we already cant get all our needs met by a single person, why force yourself to get all your romantic and sexual needs met by one person? the relationship might not need to end if you both had others to lean on.
Cheating is unnecessary. Find someone who shares your values instead of lying to yourself or your partner. Then this wouldn’t be an issue in the first place.
Also, in another comment chain you made a statement about monogamy being unnatural. So, what if it is? There are plenty of societal expectations we have that go against human nature that most people would agree are beneficial. For example, fighting is a basic human instinct. It’s done to assert dominance, protect or vent frustration amongst other reasons. This can be even noticed in animals. But, in our society the expectation is that you restrain yourself instead of becoming violent. Unnatural =/= bad.
i agree cheating is unnecessary. the point is that its evidence that people want more partners, but the prevailing societal pressures push people into monogamous relationships against their own desires, so they cheat because its more in line with what they really want.
yes natural doesnt equal good, that would be an appeal to nature. but people want to be nonmonogamous, and pressuring them not to isnt really a good thing at all. i mean can you even see the ridiculousness of comparing violence to wanting to love more than one person? pressuring people into monogamous relationships at a societal level is bad. you might not think thats happening but it is.
Natural doesn’t supercede consent. Again, if everyone is OK with an open relationship its fine, but condoms aren’t natural and its clear that removing a condom without consent just because that is more natural isn’t ok.
I acknowledge that societal dating pressures exist. That being said, claiming that individual preferences are illusionary trivializes individual preferences altogether. Whether or not the preferences comes from a societal pressure, doesn’t mean its invalid. If anything, believing otherwise can be dangerous. For instance, if a woman doesn’t wants kids, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Claiming that they’re wrong because there’s a biological desire for humans to reproduce would be obnoxious.
That’s all to highlight that others individual preferences should be respected. This includes both monogamous and non-monogamous preferences.
As for the comparison between fighting and romance I made, it wasn’t to claim that these two things are similar in substance, rather I was saying they’re similar in origin.
I think you need to preface this by saying “You have no desire for monogamous relations” but you absolutely can not say “All people want to be polyamorous”. Only some people do, and it certainly would be nice if they were not pressured into something that doesn’t work for them.
I mean, if you’ve consented to a monogamous relationship and your partner violates that consent it’s a big deal.
If they find that certain aspects of the relationship aren’t compatible with what they want and they can’t work it out, they should leave the relationship. Notbl saying it’s easy, but that’s part of the responsibility that comes with being in a committed relationship.
or you could just… not force yourselves to be exclusive. we already cant get all our needs met by a single person, why force yourself to get all your romantic and sexual needs met by one person? the relationship might not need to end if you both had others to lean on.
Cheating is unnecessary. Find someone who shares your values instead of lying to yourself or your partner. Then this wouldn’t be an issue in the first place.
Also, in another comment chain you made a statement about monogamy being unnatural. So, what if it is? There are plenty of societal expectations we have that go against human nature that most people would agree are beneficial. For example, fighting is a basic human instinct. It’s done to assert dominance, protect or vent frustration amongst other reasons. This can be even noticed in animals. But, in our society the expectation is that you restrain yourself instead of becoming violent. Unnatural =/= bad.
Just some food for thought.
i agree cheating is unnecessary. the point is that its evidence that people want more partners, but the prevailing societal pressures push people into monogamous relationships against their own desires, so they cheat because its more in line with what they really want.
yes natural doesnt equal good, that would be an appeal to nature. but people want to be nonmonogamous, and pressuring them not to isnt really a good thing at all. i mean can you even see the ridiculousness of comparing violence to wanting to love more than one person? pressuring people into monogamous relationships at a societal level is bad. you might not think thats happening but it is.
Natural doesn’t supercede consent. Again, if everyone is OK with an open relationship its fine, but condoms aren’t natural and its clear that removing a condom without consent just because that is more natural isn’t ok.
I acknowledge that societal dating pressures exist. That being said, claiming that individual preferences are illusionary trivializes individual preferences altogether. Whether or not the preferences comes from a societal pressure, doesn’t mean its invalid. If anything, believing otherwise can be dangerous. For instance, if a woman doesn’t wants kids, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Claiming that they’re wrong because there’s a biological desire for humans to reproduce would be obnoxious.
That’s all to highlight that others individual preferences should be respected. This includes both monogamous and non-monogamous preferences.
As for the comparison between fighting and romance I made, it wasn’t to claim that these two things are similar in substance, rather I was saying they’re similar in origin.
I think you need to preface this by saying “You have no desire for monogamous relations” but you absolutely can not say “All people want to be polyamorous”. Only some people do, and it certainly would be nice if they were not pressured into something that doesn’t work for them.
That’s fine, but you need to be open about it with your partner. If they’ve consented to an open relationship, great. Otherwise its not ok.