My most recent breakup was my hardest by a wide margin. We’d been having major problems for months, and I had tried to end things a few times but they always rushed to try to fix things, and managed to convince me to keep trying every time. I struggle with setting and enforcing boundaries, and they seemed determined to push them or get really disappointed and hurt every time I tried. I realize if I had been more forceful with my boundaries things wouldn’t have gotten so bad…

Anyway we had talked about moving to another city together, so we took a vacation to go there and look at apartments together. I figured I would give it a try. The trip turned out to be a nightmare, and cemented my desire to end the relationship. The shitty part was they had been unemployed for months and didn’t have enough money to pay rent, so a few weeks after our shitty vacation they moved in with me. By the time they did our romantic and sexual relationship was pretty much over, so I had to endure more than 6 months living in a tiny one bedroom apartment with my emotionally unstable unemployed demanding ex while they found a job and an apartment so they could finally leave.

I’ve never been trapped in such a fucked up high stress situation before. I dreaded going home after work. I dreaded going to bed at night (they slept in the same room in a separate bed). I dreaded waking up in the morning and seeing them. I dreaded the next hours long fight, the next stupid fucking thing they would demand we change about my apartment for their comfort. I dreaded the next time they would have an emotional breakdown and coerce me into supporting them emotionally. I could never be alone because they were just always there, and they could never understand how much I needed to be alone, to just not fucking hear them or have to deal with their fucking needs like it was my job. I couldn’t even take refuge in the bathroom, in the shower, the one fucking place people expect some privacy, because they had to pee like every hour and would bang on the door if I took too long. I swear to god I was literally going crazy with them there.

I know they took advantage of my empathy and compassion. I would never push them out on the street. That’s where they would have wound up if I had forced them to leave. Eventually they found a place and left, but we wound up having one last big fight right at the end. I blocked them everywhere I could, and haven’t had any contact for months. Honestly I don’t know if I’ll be able to trust a partner enough to move in with them again, but I hope I will.