Even with a psychopath or narcissist, it takes two to tango, and one’s lack of boundaries allowed the poor treatment.
I’m getting a whiff of victim blaming here.
Not everybody was brought up by supportive, trustworthy parents.
Not everybody is in a good pecuniary position to “just leave”.
Not everybody is ready to face violence when boundaries are established.
.
.
.
Audience is an important piece to this discussion.
If the assumption is that therapy is an option, then the audience for @ScoffingLizard’s comment is very narrow - literate, health-conscious, a person of some means. It’s good advice within that narrow audience.
For the rest of the world, though, it’s abysmal advice. “Codependency” isn’t really an accurate description of relationship dynamics in oppressive societies like Saudi Arabia or the harsh realities in the slums of Bangladesh.
I’m just assuming it’s the typical very narrow, culturally inexperienced, “educated” middle class white opinion being expressed whenever I hear “get therapy”. Getting therapy is very much a middle class white American hobby in particular.
It’s considered shameful here. There’s a cousin of my SO who desperately needs therapy; he had a breakdown mid-college and is now suffering from at the very least some form of depression, and may actually have some kind of psychosis involving episodes of delusion.
But he doesn’t go to counselling because that’s shameful to the family. They take care of him, but not to the extent of taking him to therapy.
It’s one of these “Good Intentions Paving Company™” situations, basically.
That blows my mind. People sometimes need support. Americans often have no family. I have a few folks to talk to, but they are all too busy to be worried about me. Isolationist cultures might need therapy more, but it certainly can’t replace medical treatment.
Not sure if it’s common in your country, but a family doctor here can prescribe meds for mental health issues. Psychosis can become extremely serious if untreated. If it’s an option, the cousin could just tell his doc that he’s not feeling well and at least get vitamins B and D checked. Have bloodwork for thyroid issues, and check testosterone levels. Anxiety can even be caused by low blood sugar. If they rule out a few things, an antidepressant or antipsychotic might help.
This applies to men too. Johnny Depp is a good example. He would have been what psychotherapists call codependent in that relationship. I’ve always hated the term. There is a book called Codependency Recovery Plan. It’s about recognizing when boundaries are being breached and so forth.
Agreed that this doesn’t apply in all situations, especially with women. It asked for an opinion though. I was in a situation and had to accept accountability for my own actions to prevent it from happening again. Statistics show that if you don’t resolve the issue of responding to red flags after being in a “codependent” relationship, you’re more likely to end up in another. Worked for me but maybe not for all environments.
I’m getting a whiff of victim blaming here.
Not everybody was brought up by supportive, trustworthy parents. Not everybody is in a good pecuniary position to “just leave”. Not everybody is ready to face violence when boundaries are established. . . .
And a cast of thousands.
Audience is an important piece to this discussion.
If the assumption is that therapy is an option, then the audience for @ScoffingLizard’s comment is very narrow - literate, health-conscious, a person of some means. It’s good advice within that narrow audience.
For the rest of the world, though, it’s abysmal advice. “Codependency” isn’t really an accurate description of relationship dynamics in oppressive societies like Saudi Arabia or the harsh realities in the slums of Bangladesh.
I’m just assuming it’s the typical very narrow, culturally inexperienced, “educated” middle class white opinion being expressed whenever I hear “get therapy”. Getting therapy is very much a middle class white American hobby in particular.
Point taken. Is therapy something people consider stupid in your country?
It’s considered shameful here. There’s a cousin of my SO who desperately needs therapy; he had a breakdown mid-college and is now suffering from at the very least some form of depression, and may actually have some kind of psychosis involving episodes of delusion.
But he doesn’t go to counselling because that’s shameful to the family. They take care of him, but not to the extent of taking him to therapy.
It’s one of these “Good Intentions Paving Company™” situations, basically.
That blows my mind. People sometimes need support. Americans often have no family. I have a few folks to talk to, but they are all too busy to be worried about me. Isolationist cultures might need therapy more, but it certainly can’t replace medical treatment.
Not sure if it’s common in your country, but a family doctor here can prescribe meds for mental health issues. Psychosis can become extremely serious if untreated. If it’s an option, the cousin could just tell his doc that he’s not feeling well and at least get vitamins B and D checked. Have bloodwork for thyroid issues, and check testosterone levels. Anxiety can even be caused by low blood sugar. If they rule out a few things, an antidepressant or antipsychotic might help.
This applies to men too. Johnny Depp is a good example. He would have been what psychotherapists call codependent in that relationship. I’ve always hated the term. There is a book called Codependency Recovery Plan. It’s about recognizing when boundaries are being breached and so forth.
Agreed that this doesn’t apply in all situations, especially with women. It asked for an opinion though. I was in a situation and had to accept accountability for my own actions to prevent it from happening again. Statistics show that if you don’t resolve the issue of responding to red flags after being in a “codependent” relationship, you’re more likely to end up in another. Worked for me but maybe not for all environments.