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Joined 9 months ago
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Cake day: July 19th, 2025

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  • Opinions will vary here, but I like when the reminiscing comes after the request. If we catch up after talking to each other out of the blue, then you ask me for a favour, I tend to think that we only caught up because you felt obliged to do so to butter me up. It could be viewed as manipulative.

    Bonus points if you ask me for a favour and I say I can’t right now, but you still take the time to catch up. That’s a pretty strong signal that you view the relationship as more than transactional. It also means I’m more likely to change my mind about doing that favour.









  • Around here it’s definitely more of a greeting. I wish it was more of a genuine interest because then I wouldn’t feel so weird about answering truthfully when things aren’t great.

    The context can make a big difference here. Friends and family are more likely to actually care. With coworkers and customers it’s often better to keep them at arms’ length because a negative response can get you labelled as not a team player, or receive customer complaints.

    Some days I worry I’ll be too candid with my employer and I’ll lose my job as a result. That one is probably my own biased perception, but shit, it’s happened before.






  • I’ve looked at adopting. I don’t want biological children, but I still want to raise kids and give them what I never had.

    In my jurisdiction, adoption sucks. You have to foster a child for 24 months before you can legally adopt them. That seems fair, on the surface I don’t have any problems with that. While you’re fostering, it invites a lot more scrutiny, like visits from the state to make sure you’re a fit parent - something bio parents don’t have to deal with unless there’s already been a complaint.

    We have kind of weird legislation though. Like, while you’re fostering a child, the bio-parents have a right to see them (unless they were forcibly removed for neglect or whatever). I’m not sure exactly what’s involved in the process, but the bio-parents can also decide to take their kid back.

    So imagine you’ve bonded with this child, you’ve cared for them for a year and a half, and at this point you think of them as your kid. Then the parents, whom you might not have ever met, take your kid away. That’s got to be difficult to deal with.

    The good news is that if the parents decide that they’re not cut out for parenting after all, you can foster the same child (that’s got to be crushing for the child). Bad news is that resets the clock on your 24-month fostering before adoption. I have a friend in childcare told me this story - no idea if it’s true or not - about parents taking their kids back for a week or two before getting tired of them and abandoning them again, often in a continuous cycle. The kids and the foster parents definitely suffer for that.

    So anyway, these are the local rules for operating within our foster care system here. Most adoptive parents choose to instead work with some overseas outfits - but then you’re looking at a five-figure application fee, plus a ton of interviews and traveling. Which again, I’m not really opposed to the background checks and such, but you can make a baby for free without any of that. Plus I’m not really sure how you can properly vet an organization to make sure that there isn’t any trafficking involved.

    My wife is also open to adoption but she also wants at least one bio-kid of her own. I’ve always thought that’s got to be a weird dynamic for the kids. Or maybe it’s not, I don’t know I’ve never been adopted.