Everything is computer

Or Turn Off the Dark

Yeah, if that were the case, SRK and Karina Kapoor wouldn’t have had all those skin whitening billboards.

And? No.

Or? Yes.

Nuke: might take me a while, but I could call some people. I’d probably fail.

Huge penis: gimme about 10 minutes to drive to the nearby adult store, and definitely. I wouldn’t even have to pay for it, just throw it across the store and never go back.

Confidence: if you mean launch as in to displace rapidly, I do that approximately 3 seconds after every time I feel confident.

Oh, yes. Well then, sorry to crash your meeting.

“Good evening, Officer. Do you know if your spouse knows that you’re a liar?”

“Obviously not fast enough since you caught up with me”

My code has that special slow burn where I realize just how terrible it was when a help ticket pops up a few weeks later.

Yeah, but boars won’t hesitate to kill you based on your race.

I think mine got lost in the mail…

Which is why I must run out the ^{dooo-OOOOO-ooorrr}

I could be wrong, but I think your Medicare benefits are still somehow tied to your previous employer. My friend’s dad likes to brag about how he paid into some special program that now he has $0 copays, but only if he gets his care at a hospital. As a result, he goes to the ER for everything because he gets free healthcare that way.

And then he complains about welfare queens and homeless people not knowing how to handle money, and that young people don’t want to work and that’s why social security is collapsing.

“Affordability” has gotten so bad in the United States healthcare that autocorrect won’t even let us use it in the same sentence as any procedures!

Some of my laughter from your comment is embarrassment, but it’s mostly because that’s a fucking hilarious thing to imagine the one proctologist I know saying that.

Just load your dishes wrong and then you can put them away in garbage bags.

Everyone should get a colonoscopy whenever it’s offered adorably affordably. You’ll feel weightless after all the colon blow, you get a great nap out of the deal, and the epic farts after feel so amazingly satisfying. As an added minor bonus, it’s good preventative care.

Edit: a word. Oopsie poopsie.

Could you imagine the zombie apocalypse starting on Halloween???

Reminds me of the old “I had a dream last night that I was eating a giant marshmallow, and when I woke up, my pillow was gone!”

Yes, I know. I have evidence.

Sure, but first they gotta figure out who owns the sun. How else are they going to inflate their value by aggregating all of the speculative projects they’ll each complete when handed the same $200K cheque that they keep using to pay each other? I mean, is it even business if you don’t lobby for government kickbacks that you’ll get for working together, and then use those kickbacks to buy more politicians?

Write back a letter of appeal each time. It should only read, “I’d do it again.”