I ask because I was thinking of how I went from a “one of the guys” type of girl to a full blown “bring down the patriarchy” type of woman. It wasn’t one thing, it was many. Only through reflection and carefully putting the pieces together did I realize feminism was everything I had been feeling about my anger and frustration at inequality, and my need to make the world better for the people around me, but especially my neices.
So when did you realize you were a feminist?
I was in university in the '80s and met a pair of very nice Japanese “girls” (their chosen designation, but that’s kind of foreshadowing what comes). They were beautiful, intelligent, kind, and fun to be around. They both had Master’s degrees and were going for Ph.D.s. (One in literature, the other in psychology.) So I asked them what they wanted to do with those degrees.
Their answer turned me into an instant “kill the patriarchy with a sharp stick” type. They were going through all this work to get a better husband. They were literally ticking off the boxes that made them more desirable wives beyond already being pretty, intelligent, and kind:
Their entire worldview was what they could do to be better wives, to make their husbands more valuable in the eyes of others. The thought of doing things for themselves never crossed their minds, and indeed they got very troubled looks on their faces if you asked about that. Their role in life was to be valuable for their husband, to be mother to his children, and to be the keeper of his home. Everything they did, including getting a Ph.D.! was just so they’d be more suitable for him.