Trip one: a can of beans. Trip two: a can of beans. Total: $40

Also pro tip: don’t touch your gf all over when she just got home and greets you while cutting peppers, because she screamed so loud in agony when I touched her clit. It was truly horrible and I still feel shit about it, even though we broke up years ago for other reasons.

Last Monday I had surgery. There was a narrowing in my urethra, so they took out that part of my urertha. I have to walk around with a catheter for 4 fucking weeks. Every night I sleep next to a beautiful woman and although she does her best not to make me horny, she makes me fucking horny. So every night I wake up with a hard on, as I cannot get relief, so I get hard whenever I sleep, and having a hard one with a catheter fucking hurts like hell. So every night I’m wearing a diaper because when I get hard the wond tears open a bit and blood comes out next to the catheter. And the thought of having another 3 weeks of this makes it even worse. Especially when she’s looking at me with those “I love you and want to jump you” eyes. But the only women jumping me are my 3 young cats who do not care about jumping on your bladder or balls. My balls are dark blue / purple by the way. My cats are looking at me right now, with their smuck faces, saying “should have given us more food and sooner, hooman”.

That’s not strange, it’s often that a media team is controlling a president’s social media in case he isn’t capable of posting himself. That’s why some posts seem like they are written by a toddler and some have a more formal and a bit less uneducated formulation, which seem to be weird for someone with a toddler brain.

There has never been a President who has worked harder for the American people than President Trump. On this Easter weekend, he has been working nonstop in the White House and Oval Office.

If you count warcrimes, white collar crimes and golf as work, then sure. But for the American people, not so much. Everything he does is for his criminal enterprise.

But pleeeeeaaaaase don’t be dead Donny. JD is so much worse.

Lb-ft of torque? Wtf is wrong with people. How much Lod-Ell is that? Or Buddam-Girah?

Just tell me how much bananas per dishwasher if simple metric is too difficult.

Sorry but everything I read in the fediverse is about despair, war, dictators and dystopia.