There’s a situation among some people in my favorite hobby. I’m nominally an organizer so I feel like I should be doing something but I’m not really certain what more I can do without stepping on the safety groups toes.
Have you had to deal with bullying? What happened, how was it dealt with, and what were the outcomes?
Yes
Secondary school, by the person who bullied me at primary Uni Work by colleagues and bosses
I discovered I have ASD, and probably a side of ADHD too, so it’s a pattern with me I suppose I try to avoid most people now or keep a distance
I’m not really certain what more I can do without stepping on the safety groups toes.
As an aside: first bring it up with the safety group. If they don’t do anything about it, they’re not a safety group so feel free to step on their toes. Hopefully they at least wear safety boots.
coworker bullied me, and a few others. She was forces into a PIP and had to do extra HR training. Still didnt stop her, I left the job (not because of her) so I dont know what happened. That woman definately hated herself and used shit talking as a cope. I only found out she was talking about me because another coworker, a friend, told me he yelled at her one day about it, sick of hearing her talk about me when there was no call for it.
Idk what I would so in your shoes, but someone should talk to the person about it, it’s not cool.
The worst bullying that I ever dealt with was when I started working in a small retail store around the age of 20. Everyone else who worked in the store was a girl around the same age and one of them was extremely happy to be the queen bitch. I quit after less than a month and immediately entered therapy because I was concerned that I might never be able to hold down a job.
Turns out that I was autistic and she was just a bitch, and all but one of the other girls were very happy to follow along with whoever was the queen bitch.
Does this count as bullying?
Coworker/Supervisor: “We all know what they [Asian people –ed.] are like. They just don’t value life like we do.”
Me: …
C/S: “Oh, not you Dianne. You’re one of the good ones.”
I’ve had variations of this kind of exchange in almost every workplace I’ve ever been in.
What did I do about it? What were the outcomes? I left Canada “for a year or two” and now 26 years later, almost, have no desire to return for the foreseeable future. Sometimes it’s just better to walk away and let the bullies wind up only having each other for company.
It’s a nightmare scenario I’ve come up against a million times and I’ve very rarely seen it dealt well. Bullies don’t always stop bullying when disciplined for it, they just stop for a bit and change tactics.
It’s hard to advise cos it depends how many people are involved, who us being harmed, who would give evidence to management etc about it, tactics being used etc. Best i can say is balance these factors up versus moving on, which at least gets you out the situation
There was one case of bullying I had to deal with. One kid at our school (son of a multi-millionaire, the whole family had manners) made fun of poorer kids. Including me. I shut him up with one hit. He never bothered me again, and toned down against others, too.
on the safety groups toes.
Adress them, let them do their job.
They know, and they haven’t done anything.
Are they independent or appointed by someone who oversees the main group?
Reiterate to them that the issue needs to be addressed, and if they don’t and won’t give a valid reason it should not be addressed, then go to the next level of the organization if it exists. If they are not accountable to anyone in particular, then address the issue with the community as a whole to either force them to say why, or be replaced.
If the community majority accepts the bullying as “normal” then last resort is to attempt to fork the community to leave behind those who feel the bullying is acceptable.
This is just high level and there are many nuances in various communities based on their reason for existing and the subject of the bullying.
For example, if this is a case of bullying over gender identity, with the current political and corporate policies saying that is acceptable, it can be more difficult to shame people or to even get them to acknowledge to themselves that they are bullying rather than just “putting someone in their proper place”. This can mean more drastic measures like forking the community between people who think trans-people are subhuman, don’t actually exist, etc., and people who believe they are valid members of society worthy of human decency. A few decades ago that would have been black people, etc.
But if it’s something childish like general social status, fashion, music taste, or whatever, it’s usually something that can be stopped with less effort just by shaming the bullies and their apologists. But do it carefully and offer them every opportunity to address the issue first or it may look like you are bullying them.
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