E: this baby dicked Honda owner is laughing at the responses.

  • exasperation@lemmy.dbzer0.com
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    63
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    3 天前

    I read this comment as saying:

    1. Virginity isn’t special, so there’s no need to “save” it for someone special.
    2. The first person you have sex with doesn’t need to be anyone special. Holding out for some kind of perfect dude is impractical, because if you’re messing around with people your age, news flash, most young men are losers on the broader social scale. Being cool for a high schooler doesn’t mean much.
    3. Go ahead and fuck the dude with a cheap car and small dick. That’s not going to hold you back in the future, and chances are, your standards for partners will change over time.
    4. You can be anything. Overthrow the government.

    It seems that this comment section focuses a bit too much on the less important parts of the message, and don’t appreciate the context.

    • gray@lemmy.ml
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      23
      arrow-down
      3
      ·
      3 天前

      My only problem with this post is the implied body-shaming. Otherwise 10/10

      • nickiwest@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        13
        arrow-down
        3
        ·
        3 天前

        I read it as referring to immaturity rather than literal body shaming. Like, the post is telling a girl it’s okay to hook up with a teenage boy from her high school who just got his first car. She doesn’t have to “save herself” for marriage or even some idealized perfect man later in life.

        I grew up in the Assemblies of God, so I was on the receiving end of a lot of purity culture messaging. There was more than a reasonable amount of discussion of how “God has chosen your perfect husband and you have to wait for him.”

        I’m definitely not on board with the body shaming if that’s how it was intended. I just see that there’s more than one way to interpret that particular phrase. I choose to go with the more figurative version, which apparently puts me in the minority.

    • bluesheep@sh.itjust.works
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      5
      arrow-down
      1
      ·
      3 天前

      Part 4 is the most important.

      Kind of like a “fuck around find out”, except it’s more of a , “fuck around and systemically dismantle your oppressors” kinda thing

  • NotAnOtter@lemmus.org
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    133
    arrow-down
    13
    ·
    4 天前

    Eh. Good message wrapped up in weird body shaming, class shaming, vaguely misandrist ‘rhetoric’.

    This aint it. It’s close to it. They’re the same aisle. But it aint it.

    • Echo Dot@feddit.uk
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      47
      arrow-down
      6
      ·
      4 天前

      I’m also not convinced that teaching your kids that sex is a non event is a good idea either.

      Also I’m confused about what’s wrong with the Honda civic, if you got one with all the optional extras it would be quite expensive, not that matters, but it’s just a weird vehicle to have chosen to indicate lack of money. Should have gone with something like a Nissan Micra, it would have still been the stupid take, but at least it would have made sense.

      • jollyrogue@lemmy.ml
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        4
        ·
        3 天前

        They’re telling on themselves. 🙂

        The Civic is illustrating how mundane the event was, in contrast to the people who want beds of rose pedals and candles for their first time.

      • Bluewing@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        7
        arrow-down
        1
        ·
        3 天前

        Civics catch a lot of strays due to the sheer number of them and how long those things last. The drive train can literally outlast the body work. So there are a whole lot of used Civics on the road being driven by “poor” people who can’t afford better.

        • P1k1e@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          5
          arrow-down
          1
          ·
          3 天前

          Well poor is a pretty loose term these days so I’m unsure if it’d apply to me but my girl Gracy (2012 EX) has taken me across the country 3 times, been a makeshift tent after saving me from mountain lions and made me basically invisible to cops for her whole 360k miles, costing me nothing but oil, spark plugs, brake pads and a window regulator…and gas… When she dies I will drop a whole ass new engine in her with my own bare fukkin hands. They sure knew how to make em

        • Omgpwnies@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          3
          arrow-down
          1
          ·
          3 天前

          A rusted-out civic is often driven by two type of people - poor people who can’t afford better, or multi-millionaires that won’t spend money on anything more than that.

      • ByteJunk@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        7
        ·
        3 天前

        I see it kinda the same way as anything else, say, riding a bicycle: something normal, that is likely going to be part of your life and that you’ll enjoy doing, but don’t really need to if you don’t want.

        Sure you’ll remember your first bike fondly (or not) but you can have others and your most memorable memories are most likely from the trips you’ll take later.

    • HCSOThrowaway@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      5
      ·
      3 天前

      Yeah, it’s the type of post I’d privately nod+caveat if a friend made it, but not the type of post I’m sharing everywhere.

      The wrong kind of person is going to love that OOP is body-shaming and poverty-shaming because they feel putting people down is fun and/or uplifts them.

      • NotAnOtter@lemmus.org
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        4
        arrow-down
        1
        ·
        3 天前

        There are many that are that ‘wrong kind of person’ that simply don’t realize it. And to that person, that gets excited when they see men put down, I ask you to reflect on that feeling.

  • ceenote@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    214
    ·
    4 天前

    This is far too radical.

    The Honda Civic is a reliable car with a solid price point.

    • I love my Honda Civic!

      That was 6 years ago now. How time flies. <3

      Here’s the best feature a car can ever have.

      Kitties on the dashboard screen!!

      Here’s a more recent picture. One of the wheels had a valve stem hole that wasn’t in line with a lugnut hole, meaning the wheel covers wouldn’t fit. I bought an OEM wheel to replace it and put the wheel covers on, and it looks way better now.

        • saltesc@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          7
          ·
          4 天前

          I had an EG hatch back in the day, now a WRX. The Civic was more fun. The Subaru makes me feel grown up. Gotta do all these adult things like change the gearbox fluid when you’re actually supposed to, else the gearbox explodes like a dropped beer.

          • jollyrogue@lemmy.ml
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            1
            ·
            3 天前

            I miss my subie. It was a temperamental pain in the ass, but it was a good car with some good memories. 😆

        • It’s a 2012. It’s the first year of the 9th gen so yours would have been between 06-11. Not a lot of exterior differences between 2011 and 2012, but the instrument cluster did get a pretty radical overhaul.

          • bitjunkie@lemmy.world
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            1
            ·
            3 天前

            Sometimes they’ll keep making the older gen of a popular model concurrently with the first run of the newer gen, so you’ll end up with a manufacture date in the new gen’s model year. I don’t know if this has happened with Civics specifically, but it seems likely given how common they are.

          • Apathy Tree@lemmy.dbzer0.com
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            1
            ·
            4 天前

            Mine was a 2012 as well, actually :) Didnt look like that tho :) probably different markets rather than either of us being wrong :)

            • boonhet@lemmy.zip
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              2
              ·
              4 天前

              Also model year and first registration date can and do differ and which one is used to say what year a car is, largely depends on where you’re from.

    • kbobabob@lemmy.dbzer0.com
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      5
      ·
      3 天前

      Probably why it is mentioned. It’s a very popular first car for those reasons and means there’s a damn good chance that is what will show up in the driveway. They aren’t shitting on the car in my opinion.

    • technocrit@lemmy.dbzer0.com
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      2
      ·
      3 天前

      The Honda Civic is a reliable car with a solid price point.

      Yeah, that’s why carbrains hate it. A “real man” drives a huge truck rolling coal.

    • Apathy Tree@lemmy.dbzer0.com
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      7
      ·
      4 天前

      I traded up my civic for a bolt. It felt civic-minded. Cuz man i got the lemon.

      Loved that civic, but zero regrets. This ev is way better.

    • RBWells@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      1
      ·
      3 天前

      Yeah I had my (5 speed) civic till someone hit me & totalled it. Got an accord sport 6 speed and still have it, it’s 12 now and still such a joy to drive. I don’t drive much now so hopefully it lasts 12 more.

      My brother got 300k miles on his Honda.

      It’s funny, my first car had 3 gears, second one 4 gears, the Civic had 5, and this one has 6 but also the best manual transmission I have ever encountered.

  • wittymcusername@lemmy.zip
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    4
    ·
    2 天前

    So many bad takes in this thread. Here’s mine:

    You might not get the chance. I learned about virginity from the foul mouthed children on my school bus years before any adult thought it was time for proper sex education.

  • Leviathan@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    73
    arrow-down
    16
    ·
    4 天前

    Is this implying that a horse cocked boy whose daddy bought him a fancy car could be taking something? Or are we just shaming a body type and class for comedic effect?

  • threeonefour@piefed.ca
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    113
    arrow-down
    12
    ·
    4 天前

    “I refuse to teach my daughter about virginity. I will instead teach her to judge a man by his car and penis size.”

    • wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      10
      arrow-down
      3
      ·
      3 天前

      That is essentially how I read this too, yes.

      Just your typical, run-of-the-mill pseudo-feminist on the internet thinking she’s making a point while actually supporting the patriarchy by reinforcing its standards and expectations.

      And also teaching her daughter to be careless about who she shares her body with, because “it isn’t special.” … Yeah, toxic men are going to love her for this…

      • NotAnOtter@lemmus.org
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        68
        ·
        4 天前

        Hate to break the news to you. But you opened up a thread for discussion, and inside it, you found discussion. You did actually ask for it.

      • PieMePlenty@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        5
        arrow-down
        3
        ·
        3 天前

        Every heterosexual man who is comfortable with their masculinity and sexuality will, at some point in their life, want a dildo shoved up their ass - because that’s where the g-spot is.

  • Ricky Rigatoni@piefed.zip
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    81
    arrow-down
    18
    ·
    4 天前

    Women: Lmao men with small penises are subhuman xddd

    Also women: Why are men so insecure about their penis size

      • Tartas1995@discuss.tchncs.de
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        18
        arrow-down
        5
        ·
        3 天前

        Based on my personal experience with misandry, yeah.

        Not all women asking why are men e.g. insecure about penis size, are shaming men for their penis size. As most women aren’t misandrists.

        But all women shaming men for e.g. penis size, turn around and ask why, and are really upset about misogyny, while happily engaging in misandry.

        Some men do it too. Obviously.

        • Sundray@lemmus.org
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          4
          ·
          3 天前

          I’ll have to defer to your experience, since I have never had a conversation of any significance with a woman openly shaming men for their penis size. We spin in different circles, I suspect.

          • Tartas1995@discuss.tchncs.de
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            5
            arrow-down
            1
            ·
            3 天前

            Well, I said “e.g.” for a reason. Body shaming in general, but also stuff like pressuring/shaming men for rejecting sex.

            I am not surprised by your response as that is what I hear a lot before I start to point at recent specific examples that people are familiar with.

            But that conversation would be missing the point. The point is that people actively engaging in sexism are often very upset when the sexism turns against themselves and like to act as if their sexism is not the cause of e.g. insecurities. It is literally the most basic thing abusers (of the type) do.

            Again obviously, most people who express concern, aren’t the abuser. But abusers like to act like they care before continuing abuse.

          • Bluewing@lemmy.world
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            6
            arrow-down
            4
            ·
            3 天前

            “Small penis” jokes are even fairly common even in places around Lemmy if you pay attention.

            A common place to see them is in a instance such as @fuckcars. If a member says they saw a large pickup truck driving down the road today, at some point in the thread there will be comments about how the driver “must be compensating for something.” No one actually cares about the size beyond the phycological insult directed at the man.

            Guys hear this insult a lot over their lives directed at men in general.

            • wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              1
              ·
              2 天前

              Eh, I’m generally against body-shaming, but when people say that about obnoxiously-large truck drivers, I think the focus isn’t on their endowment but rather their insecurity.

              And again, I’m generally against aggravating people’s insecurities, but the thing with those big truck drivers is that they make their insecurities everyone else’s problem. They compensate by driving these giant vehicles that are a danger to everyone around them, often aggressively and with gross smoke stacks polluting everyone behind them.

              Is it great that people say they have small penises? No, not really. But if the same people saw a guy wearing a shirt that says “Micropenis awareness” or something, I don’t think they’d go all Nelson Muntz on the poor guy…

            • exasperation@lemmy.dbzer0.com
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              7
              arrow-down
              1
              ·
              3 天前

              I’ve dwelt among the humans. Their entire culture is built around their penises. It’s funny to say they are small, it’s funny to say they are big. I’ve been at parties, where humans have held bottles, pencils, thermoses in front of themselves and called out “hey look at me! I’m Mr. so and so dick.” “I’ve got such and such for a penis.” I never saw it fail to get a laugh.

              • wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz
                link
                fedilink
                English
                arrow-up
                1
                ·
                2 天前

                Hell, some of their most notable monuments are built in the shape of giant penises thrusting into the sky. It is considered a great honor among the humans to have a giant phallus constructed for you after your death.

        • wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          4
          arrow-down
          4
          ·
          3 天前

          I’m actually really glad to see that people can mention misandry now without being immediately and uncritically downvoted into oblivion.

          It seems we’re progressing, because true egalitarianism won’t be possible until we can address both misandry and misogyny without acting like one is okay while the other is not.

  • morrowind@lemmy.ml
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    86
    arrow-down
    12
    ·
    4 天前

    I feel like this point could be made without insulting her daughter’s future partner

  • freeusething@fedinsfw.app
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    7
    ·
    3 天前

    The first time you try anything new, you are going to be shit at it. Why the obsession with what’s more likely than not going to be some awkward fumbling?

    It’s just so weird that this is considered a pivotal event that somehow marks you. Changes something about you like a magic enchantment getting broken.

    • ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      2
      ·
      2 天前

      Too bad way too many people consider it a “red flag” if you haven’t been with someone before a certain age, usually 25 or 30.

  • Murse@slrpnk.net
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    39
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    4 天前

    Actual sex ed is, as usual, the answer to these kinds of situations. I’d guess way more critically so for the Civic boy than Pony’s daughter, since Pony seems open to actually discussing some shit with her daughter, especially if Civic boy actually gives a fuck about virginity.

    …oh, and guillotine construction. Definitely don’t forget the guillotine construction.

  • mechoman444@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    18
    arrow-down
    4
    ·
    3 天前

    The concept of virginity, particularly the idea that a woman’s sexual history somehow determines her worth, was heavily shaped by patriarchal societies that used women’s sexuality as a means of controlling inheritance, marriage, and political power.

    The idea that an individual somehow becomes less of a person simply because she has had sex is absurd. A woman’s value does not diminish because someone has given her a label or because she has engaged in a perfectly ordinary human act.

    And then there is the glaring double standard. The man who had sex with her is often treated as some kind of hero, while she is supposedly diminished by the exact same act. He gets the bragging rights and the high fives; she gets judged for it.

    So apparently a man’s virginity is irrelevant, but a woman’s is supposed to be sacred. Not the person, mind you. The vagina.

    What a load of crap.

    • WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      10
      ·
      3 天前

      Men are shammed for being virgins, since it is like a mayor achievement to fuck a woman who is supposed to be really choosy and not want to get fucked, because she gets shamed for not being a virgin.

      Solution: men should just fuck men.

    • Buddahriffic@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      4
      ·
      3 天前

      Though look at the bright side: with that attitude still kinda prevalent, people who hold it are more likely to show their cards early. Holding importance in someone else’s virginity can be written off as toxic insecurity.

  • Zensate@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    67
    arrow-down
    23
    ·
    4 天前

    What a stupid take.

    Virginity is special because it’s your first time doing something very intense, intimiate and potentially painful and overwhelming. You need it to be with someone who cares about you so they can make it a good experience. It’s not some victorian-purity BS, it’s actually practically sound.

    • im_fine_sandy@nord.pub
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      30
      arrow-down
      2
      ·
      4 天前

      What if you weren’t lucky enough to have that experience though?

      It’s not worth a life-time of disappointment and self loathing.

      Maybe the message ought to be about caution around sex generally rather than a single experience.

      • FishFace@piefed.social
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        8
        ·
        3 天前

        You can teach a concept and encourage teenagers to have some care about their first time without heaping any shame on them.

    • dkppunk@piefed.social
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      22
      arrow-down
      4
      ·
      4 天前

      Disagree, there is nothing special about virginity. I was 18 and horny, I just wanted to get some dick so I did.

      It should at a minimum be with someone who also wants you to have fun too, but past that it’s not special at all.

      • NotAnOtter@lemmus.org
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        17
        arrow-down
        4
        ·
        4 天前

        It’s not special in some cosmic sense. You’re not losing a part of your soul.

        But as the other dude said, you’re experiencing something very intense & intimate for the first time. That moment is significant for the vast majority of people.

        • dkppunk@piefed.social
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          9
          arrow-down
          1
          ·
          edit-2
          3 天前

          I didn’t say that having sex with a new person for the first time isn’t special, I said there is nothing special about virginity itself. Sure I said it in a crass offhand way, but that was what I said.

          Women are taught our virginity is this incredibly important special thing that needs to be held close and only given to that one special person. We are taught our virginity is so sacred that it must be cherished. This creates the idea that after a woman has sex for the first time, she is somehow broken or unclean. It creates a hierarchy of women who have lost their virginity and women who haven’t. You would not believe how many of my friends treated me like a slut because I lost my virginity to my boyfriend at the time, a guy I dated for over 2 years after. But because we were horny and fucked after dating for 2 weeks (something I brought up before him), that made me a whore. Just me though, not him, he got high fives from friends.

          The point is, maybe we should stop teaching people that women’s virginity is sacred and teach them about how to have safe sex instead. Perhaps if we taught people about safe and healthy sex as a natural activity that many people engage in, young virgin girls wouldn’t be something that adult men thirst so hard for.

          Notice it’s only women’s virginity that is held to this standard, not men’s virginity. Whether you like it or not, putting women’s virginity on a pedestal the way people do, it’s perpetuating purity culture and patriarchy. It’s another to see women as lesser than men.

          • dkppunk@piefed.social
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            6
            arrow-down
            1
            ·
            3 天前

            And when women, like me, admit it was nothing special, we are shamed. The example is all the men trying to convince me that I’m wrong about virginity or that I’m some special case because I wasn’t traumatized.

            • NotAnOtter@lemmus.org
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              3
              arrow-down
              5
              ·
              3 天前

              You are conflating two different things. The post is about virginity being “significant” but your position seems to be more about your first sex being “especially good” which is not what any person ever claims.

              Also no one is shaming you in this thread. I guess maybe you had bad experiences elsewhere? There is nothing shameful with not caring about your virginity but that isn’t a common position.

              • dkppunk@piefed.social
                link
                fedilink
                English
                arrow-up
                5
                arrow-down
                3
                ·
                edit-2
                3 天前

                The very first comment I replied to opened with a man stating “What a stupid take” because a woman said she is going to teach her daughter that virginity is not some special thing that a boy can take away from her. The first comment mentions that it “needs to be with someone special”, that is putting virginity on a pedestal. It should be with someone who isn’t an asshole and wants you to have fun too sure, but they don’t need to be special. Young folks should be educated on how to have safe sex and make it fun, if they choose to have sex at all.

                I am being told in comments that I am some special case or an outlier, using anecdotal data btw, because I am a woman who was not traumatized my first time having sex and I am saying sex is just sex. Even first time having sex is still just sex. And it’s always women’s virginity that gets treated this way, never men’s virginity. Men get a high five when they fuck for the first time, women get treated like we are sluts. Like there is something special about virgin women.

                Treating virginity as something to be treasured that someone can take from you is exactly why women feel shamed for enjoying sex. It’s perpetuating purity culture and the idea that women are wrong because we also enjoy fucking.

                Maybe my position should be more common.

                • NotAnOtter@lemmus.org
                  link
                  fedilink
                  English
                  arrow-up
                  2
                  arrow-down
                  4
                  ·
                  3 天前

                  Blegh. So much loaded language. A MAN said one thing in reference to something a WOMAN said. How dare he.

                  IMO sex should always be with some one special to you, it’s not respecting your own body to just go fuck whoever. That’s my perspective on it, I’m not calling those that disagree with it a whore but it’s how I feel people should treat their own body. Why take on the various risks of sex with some random person you don’t care about? At that point why not just Jack or Jill yourself. And yes, that applies to men too - which I assume will blow your mind. Similar to how I think people should eat healthy foods… those that don’t aren’t morally wrong they just aren’t setting themselves up for success and IMO making a mistake.

                  I agree most western cultures put too much emphasis on female virginity, catholicism stands out, but IMO you’ve gone way too far in the opposite direction into “sex literally has no cost” which is factually wrong.

          • NotAnOtter@lemmus.org
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            3
            arrow-down
            1
            ·
            3 天前

            I mean I’m a guy but that doesn’t match what literally any girl in my life has ever said.

            They pretty much all share a similar story about them being extremely nervous and it being uncomfortable awkward sex. No one described it as “magical” and also no one described it as “just another Wednesday”.

      • Zensate@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        11
        arrow-down
        9
        ·
        4 天前

        Yeah that makes you somewhat of an outlier. Most are below 18 and want it to be with someone they care about

        • NuanceDemon@lemmy.dbzer0.com
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          18
          arrow-down
          1
          ·
          4 天前

          But i think that’s exactly the point being made, there shouldn’t be that much pressure on it because it is very often disappointing. Building it up in your head as a moment that will define you often has no benefit to your life.

          Bible shaggers will disagree for obvious reasons, but nobody is going to them for measured romantic and sexual advice.

          Have sex when you feel ready. Make it special if you want to. No need to make it an implicit societal pressure.

          • Zensate@lemmy.world
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            3
            arrow-down
            9
            ·
            4 天前

            It’s disappointing because we don’t talk more about what it should be like. We don’t expect men to do better about it. If someone had taught me how important it was and what things were at stake for women’s first time, I’d have done it a lot differently.

            Many women, if not nearly all, carry trauma from their first time as well.

            • dkppunk@piefed.social
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              10
              ·
              4 天前

              It should be talked about, in that we agree. Sex ed should include what to do, what to expect, and how to have fun as well as protecting oneself.

              I am also a woman and I have no trauma from my first time. It was with my bf at the time, but it still wasn’t anything special.

              • Zensate@lemmy.world
                link
                fedilink
                English
                arrow-up
                1
                arrow-down
                10
                ·
                4 天前

                Unfortunately the fact that it wasn’t traumatizing is pretty special, you just never needed to find that out fortunately

                • dkppunk@piefed.social
                  link
                  fedilink
                  English
                  arrow-up
                  9
                  ·
                  4 天前

                  I would like a source on most if not all women experience trauma from losing their virginity. Because my experience really isn’t that special.

                  It was fumbling, silly, nervous, sure. But not traumatic.

            • NuanceDemon@lemmy.dbzer0.com
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              7
              ·
              4 天前

              I think thats exactly why this sentiment is being fielded.

              It allows a separation from what can easily be a less than pleasant experience that society often puts a lot of pressure on.

              • Zensate@lemmy.world
                link
                fedilink
                English
                arrow-up
                2
                arrow-down
                4
                ·
                4 天前

                That actually makes it worse. Trauma is healed by being acknowledged, not trivialized.

                • NuanceDemon@lemmy.dbzer0.com
                  link
                  fedilink
                  English
                  arrow-up
                  8
                  ·
                  4 天前

                  Consider the consequences of associating what you consider a defining moment of your sexual identity with trauma, forever.

                  Consider then, a mindset where that moment does not define your sexual identity.

                  In which scenario would you expect to feel better.

                  What you’re saying is how to deal with an event after it happens, the topic here is how to shape your expectations before the event, to avoid a worse fallout. Regardless of how negative the experience is.

        • dkppunk@piefed.social
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          8
          ·
          4 天前

          Again, disagree. The average is not much younger than I was, 17 is closer to average (at least in the US). And I didn’t say it shouldn’t be with someone you care about, I said, there is nothing special about virginity.

          • Zensate@lemmy.world
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            3
            arrow-down
            12
            ·
            4 天前

            First times of everything is considered special throughout all cultures, it goes without say that the more intense and intimate the more special.

            • dkppunk@piefed.social
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              10
              ·
              edit-2
              3 天前

              I’m not going to argue with another woman just because I disagree, just know that I’m not that much of an outlier and virginity doesn’t have to be some special thing. It’s just penis in vagina or other variations of genitals that one’s satisfy sexual orientation. Not all women carry trauma from the first time having sex, I carry no trauma other than he couldn’t finish because he was nervous.

              If we stop treating it like it’s something special and instead as a natural part of life, maybe people can talk about it more openly instead of treating it like it’s a taboo subject.

              Edit: I mistakenly assumed this guy was a woman because I misread one of his comments. The rest of my statement still stands.

              • Zensate@lemmy.world
                link
                fedilink
                English
                arrow-up
                1
                arrow-down
                11
                ·
                4 天前

                I’m happy to hear that for you.

                I don’t know a single woman who’s not been traumatized by their first time.

                • dkppunk@piefed.social
                  link
                  fedilink
                  English
                  arrow-up
                  7
                  ·
                  edit-2
                  3 天前

                  And I know plenty who haven’t been traumatized. Anecdotes aren’t evidence.

                  Edit: I don’t think you’ve talked to very many women if you’ve never met a single woman who wasn’t traumatized after having sex for the first time.

    • waterwasamistake@lemmy.zip
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      2
      ·
      3 天前

      First no, my first time wasn’t that great and i sincerly do not care about it at all. I still don’t get why everyone makes such a fuss about it.

      Second this is not even what the tweet is about, it speaks about the expectation of young women to guard their virginity like a treasure and if they “fail” to give their virginity (as if it was present), to the perfect partner they somehow “got taken advantage of” and people pretend it changes something fundemantal about the girl.

      Rape victims who didn’t have sex before the rape suffer especially under this. On top of the trauma they also get the message that they lost something important, are fundamentally lesser because of a dick that was inside of them.

      This tweet is saying men aren’t special enough to take anything important from you just because their dick was inside of you, you aren’t funamentally changed, you don’t need to stress too much about it.

      Virginity is just a concept, its not that deep. Otherwise lesbians would be virgins forever.

    • jtrek@startrek.website
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      13
      arrow-down
      3
      ·
      4 天前

      Virginity is special because it’s your first time doing something very intense, intimiate and potentially painful and overwhelming.

      Why doesn’t karaoke get the same special category?

      You need it to be with someone who cares about you so they can make it a good experience

      Nah. Can help. Can hurt. Not a requirement.

      • Zensate@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        9
        arrow-down
        9
        ·
        4 天前

        Because in karaoke your genital orifice is not penetrated by a foreign object for the first time

        • Carnelian@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          11
          arrow-down
          4
          ·
          4 天前

          Karaoke is way more intense than sex if we’re being honest. Like the vast majority of people lose their virginity all on their own with no financial incentive, but a huge chunk of people wouldn’t sing karaoke ever, even if you offered them like ten bucks

        • jtrek@startrek.website
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          7
          arrow-down
          2
          ·
          4 天前

          So? Why should sex be special cased?

          Clearly not because

          it’s your first time doing something very intense, intimiate and potentially painful and overwhelming.

          because then we’d have karaoke virginity too. And many other things.

          • Zensate@lemmy.world
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            3
            arrow-down
            6
            ·
            4 天前

            So for you karaoke and being internally penetrated is similar, that’s fine. But I’m assuming you have the command of your senses to realize that this is not a normal point of view, peobably not a healthy one either.

            • jtrek@startrek.website
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              9
              arrow-down
              1
              ·
              4 天前

              Similar in that they can both be, your words, “intense, intimiate and potentially painful and overwhelming.”.

              I’m going to argue that the “normal” point of view that holds losing your virginity as a big fucking deal (pun intended) is in fact unhealthy. It’s often bundled up with patriarchy. It really doesn’t need to have all the brouhaha. That creates a lot of misery and hangups.

              You’re not proving that it should be a special case. You’re just acting like it’s self evident.

              Incidentally,

              You need it to be with someone who cares about you so they can make it a good experience

              Also applies to karaoke.

              So I don’t believe you when you say

              It’s not some victorian-purity BS,

              • Zensate@lemmy.world
                link
                fedilink
                English
                arrow-up
                1
                arrow-down
                9
                ·
                4 天前

                Yeah, go tell sone of your female friends in real life that karaoke is comparable to their first time.

                I’m sure you will, because they’re totally comparable and you’re not a troll, right?

                I’ll wait for your screenshot showing how they reacted.

                No further replies until then.

                • jtrek@startrek.website
                  link
                  fedilink
                  English
                  arrow-up
                  4
                  ·
                  3 天前

                  Woman friend 1 said that it’s personal and for some people it’s a big deal, and not for others. Sex is unique in a lot of ways. She didn’t outright reject the karaoke comparison, but did emphasize that different people have different experiences and attach different meaning to it. She didn’t reject the comparison, but didn’t especially love it. Treating sex as meaningless has its own perils, she said n

                  Woman friend 2 reached for “like doing LSD or mushrooms for the first time” rather than karaoke, but didn’t reject the comparison.

                  Both reject purity culture and the idea of virginity as something you lose, and rejected your take from your top post.

                  I’m not going to post screenshots because the conversations had a lot of personal details.

                • jtrek@startrek.website
                  link
                  fedilink
                  English
                  arrow-up
                  7
                  ·
                  4 天前

                  You’re doing a bad job of arguing. You made a claim. I offered a trivial counter. You’re not updating your claim. You’re just saying “nuh-uh”.

                  You could try arguing that the degree is different, but as someone said that’s not true for everyone. Some people are really casual about sex! From the start! And some people would never, ever, do karaoke.

                  Even if you were factually correct (you are not) your argument is structurally unsound.

                  I’ll see what my friends say in the morning

    • architect@thelemmy.club
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      8
      arrow-down
      3
      ·
      3 天前

      Many of us get raped. Just look at the statistics. It’s not fucking special and pretending it is puts more value on it than it’s worth. Look at all the grown men that sit around with countdowns over young womens virginity and being legal.